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Day 5:

Still gambling free but I’ve had some urges especially when I’m in toilet or relaxing on sofa. My brain keeps telling me that you need to do something fun to entertain yourself and for whatever reason that entertainment/fun activity triggers gambling in my brain.

Instead of going to toilet to lock myself up for 30-60minutes to gamble while hiding from my wife, I’ve now spent that time with my little kid. I’m trying to be there for her and occupy my mind that way instead of doing anything stupid.

I’m honestly not 100% sure if gambling urges ever disappear but I really hope they do… I can’t imagine living rest of my life convincing myself that gambling is not an option. It gets exhausting already on day 5 when I have to keep arguing with myself and justifying why gambling is bad.

Another news from me is that I took another small loan of $300. This is so I can survive this months bills and afford some food. Hopefully this is my last gambling related loan and starting from next month, I’ll start paying my debt instead of taking new loans. That was unfortunately the only option I had this month as I didn’t have any money left from gambling earlier this month.

I can’t wait coming back to this thread in 1-2 years time and quoting my messages & being proud of my situation on how I managed to sort my life out. Hopefully we all get there as soon as possible. Stay safe my friends!