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Goodmorning, the trip in itself wont be a problem as there wont be any gambling involved unless i would bring it on myself. Its just the fact that its a casino win and ive told my husband its something i paid for on my own. But im gonna look at it this way – ive wasted so much money at this casino and i couldnt trade the win for cash – which was good. So im gonna try to enjoy the fact that i finally got something back from them. 

I can not be a 100% sure of course what would happen if i told my husband. But remembering his words when i got caught before and his current view of gambling obviously leaves me terrified. So the worst that could happen is – divorce, losing my job and my Children + all that comes with that. Total downfall in other words. 

Today i was supposed to celebrate two weeks gambling free. That did not happen unfortunately. Yesterday was a really bad day mentally and i thought if i could just feel good for 10 mins it would be worth it. I got around all the blocks after finding a new casino with some flaws in their system which allowed me to make a deposit. – it didnt feel good so in one way im kind of glad that it happened. Maybe it would have been different if id won, but i didnt. So i stopped and felt like crap, what a betrayal to myself. 

Today is a new day and im attending the ga meeting.

I can very much relate to thinking a lot about what my life would have looked like without gambling. But like you say, a gamble free life is definitly a whole lot better.

Have a great day, and thanks for your inputs once again.