hi Callmecrazy,
suicidal thought are something that 50% of gambling addicts will have, i read it in one of the books about gambling based on certain study but i really doubt this number , personally i think the percentage is much more than that, i remember one of the few GA meetings the i attend online every one who spoke during that session said that he\she had a suicidal thoughts at one point. so firstly having these thoughts is a common thing for the gambling addicts.
2ndly 20% of gambling addict commit suicide. (those who try to kill themselves + those who succeed) . I am bringing these numbers to tell you that what you are feeling is what we all felt at some point and what we feel from time to time so just distract your self from these ideas and this tough period will pass.
personally what helped me during such periods is this ”I like to watch my movie tell the End” our life is like a movie you don’t know what will happened tomorrow, just hang on and watch it tell the end, we all gonna die at some point so why the rush, just wait maybe your movie will have a happy end, or a more beautiful experiences and fun moments why leave early, watch it till the end.
another thought that helped me is i used to remember part of a poet by Mahmoud Darwish in it he says ”i love my life because if i died i will be ashamed from my mothers tears ” i know the translation is bad but you got the point, think of those who loves you how they will feel.
you can find a lot of reason to live all what i need to say is why the rush, we gonna die at some point but since we are here let us live it.
sorry for being blunt but this is what what keeps me going, I need to watch the movie till the end.