Hi K
I hope that you willl gain knowledge of your boyfriend’s addiction before you challenge him with any ultimatums.
The list you have compiled, although understandable, is, in my opinion too long – there are too many conditions and I think you will struggle to get the conversation you want.
The addiction to gamble is the master of threats and manipulation – ultimatums made and not carried through will be a green light to your boyfriend who will see a threat, not carried out, as an opening to indulge his addiction because the threat proved idle.
Many family and friends cope by imagining that their loved ones addiction is a beast in the corner of the room – threaten it and the beast leaps out destroying any, or little, hope of sensible discussion.
Those who love gamblers often say what the gambler ‘needs’ but the only person whose needs you can satisfy are your own – your boyfriend does not have your ‘need’. ‘Your need’ him to stop, ‘he believe that his need’ is to gamble.
I have guests arriving any second now and I am trying to get something out to your quickly but sadly I will only have a few grabbed moments over the next few days.
I wanted you to know you had been heard and understood. Knowledge of his addiction will give you power over it – you are stronger than his addiction but trying to force him to change, will not be the answer – he has to want it himself. I will get this off to you now but I will write again asap.
Velvet I could’t send this earlier, my friends arrived and I had to stop!