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Thanks Vera. Good idea re the voluntary work. My kids haven’t needed me for a very long time. It,is just when I am so low it feels like they have better things to do. That hurts a little. The boys are now very busy at work with long hours and are working together so I am really pleased about that after a dry period for both of them. My son did come round to,fix my iPad but because of this chest infection I asked him not to stay long as I already gave it to Pete. He is already over it whereas I have had it for 10 days now. My eldest son does want me involved in his life and with the kids too. Because of the distance between members of the family, both geographically and in other ways. he has taken it on himself to bring us together a bit more. Because we have not functioned properly as a family. Even my daughter spoke about this yesterday. My crutch was work and gambling and without both you can imagine that life is rather lonely and somewhat futile. The only thing that spurs me on is that I do. It want to leave the world like this, I want to be able to make amends if at all possible and rebuild. But that is in Gods hands and at the moment I feel like he is distant and absent.