Hi Jilly,
Yes, I said and still say there could only be one thing worse FOR ME, than being a CG and that is being married to one. (or indeed to have to live as an adult or a child with a compulsive gambler). Of course the fallout is truly devastating for both CG and “significant others” alike, but for the latter the damage is not self inflicted . Personally I would find that life intolerable. I know every CG is unique. Every “case” is different but there are common traits, similar trials and sadly most scenarios end with disastrous consequences .
Jilly, as a CG I feel I always have some control over the times I gamble. My husband and family have no idea when this madness is going to rear it’s ugly head and usually only find out if and when I decide to reveal the damage that I have caused. I see this as using a power weapon against the other person and I have been guilty of doing this on many occasions. Personally, I could not live with somebody who is liable , without warning to pull the rug from under my feet and bring my world crashing down when they (I) selfishly succumb to a whim (urge) that they (I) know will cause hurt, pain, stress and put yet a further wedge between an already fragile relationship where the partner is likely to be scrambling for damage control for years. And then have the audacity to shelter behind the banner of “Addiction” and expect to get off with a rap on the knuckles or in some cases expect the loved ones to lick their (my) wounds, brush themselves down and start all over again as if nothing happened. No, Jilly, I could not live with this and I am ever amazed when I read in the F and F Forum how “partners and spouses” are being hoodwinked up to the whites of their eyes by “tricksters” like me. I am very ashamed to admit, I often secretly chuckle at the amount of enabling that goes on and It even gives me further tips on “how to manipulate my spouse”! How SICK is that?
Yes, the unfortunate CG does suffer. There are lots of posts on the My Journal Forum to highlight that. We penalize ourselves to within an inch of our lives and sanity BUT every CG on this site knows the rules We all have been given the “bag of tools” so for that reason I say a Cg has the trump card in his/her hand and sometimes plays it merrily at the expense of others. Usually, by the time an F and F member begins to wise up , the relationship is drawing it’s last breaths and the finances are beyond repair. All this damage was done BY the CG TO the non CG. Let’s not forget that fact!
Every time I gamble,Jilly, I need to do a lot of groundwork before I set out. I must arrange to have funds available (Always secret funds). I need to lay out a plan to account for the time I intend being “absent”, then think up an excuse (a lie) to cover my tracks. Find a way to replace the money I lose or more likely a way to reshuffle funds to make things appear normal and if these tricks fail, I will resort to manipulation, pleading or both. All this planning and underground maneuvering is part of the sick thrill that comes with the territory and I don’t think I am being unfair to any CG here when I say that. I do not see myself as the innocent victim of an addiction. It is the people who have to live with me are the “victims” of my unadulterated greed and selfishness. I refer to myself only here. I don’t know the mindset of other gamblers but I have yet to meet a gambler who can’t leave the casino as often as need be, to visit the ATM and we will do this nonchalantly until the account is wiped out regardless of the dire consequences we cause for ourselves and OTHERS . I hear them (us) say. “It’s my own business/it’s my hobby/I’m not harming anyone/I don’t drink or smoke” or words to that effect. Could I live with somebody who is so selfish that he/she will jeopardize my peace and happiness to ensure he/she has a night of sick fun? Nope! I would have to take extreme measures to protect myself from that type of torture .
So now Jilly, after that ramble, I rest my case.
(Thanks for posting to my thread on July 3oth)