I read on…..
12 August 2013, I wrote it was my day one.
14 Dec 2013, I wrote that I was more than 10 weeks clean
Last entry was on 21 Dec 2013, things was going wrong, I wrote that wave after wave of bad news hit me, I was hurting deep inside. life was becoming harder and harder even though I didn’t gamble.
I ask a question was this what “carrying my own cross and denying myself ” really feels like ?
I show human weakness, life was too hard, It was too painful, I turn away from God, and return to gambling.
I learn from that lesson, I had to focus on God and not on my problem, One Day At A Time.
Another thing that stood out now
In the past, when I stop gambling, I was either ending up drinking or sleeping with woman or working like a workaholic eventually
Today dated 22 May 2015, I am 106 days clean since 5 Feb 2015 , I shall continue to try …
to remember God more each day and myself less each day ODAAT.
This time really feels very different from the many other times in the last ten years. God has help me to not only stop gambling, but also stop drinking, sleeping with woman, overworking and all my other old ways at the same time.
I am very confident that I will remain clean after 180 days, I trust God, everyday now was my commitment to God.
I have learnt from past experience, if I lose focus and turn away from God, I will be gone! I will lose myself to the devil.