Dear Diary,
I wrote…..
12 August 2013, it was my day one clean
October and November 2013 was hard and all about negotiating with legal money lenders on accepting my terms for payment.
16th November 2013, I received a letter of demand from a legal moneylending company chasing me for money that I did not borrow. It was very upsetting, I reported them to the police and found out the letter was fake, it was all a scam.
11th December 2013, my 85 years old elderly mum was diagnosed to be suffering from 3rd stage cancer of the colon, she was schedule for an operation on the 27th December 2013
14th December 2013, I was more than 10 weeks clean.
19th December2013, I was informed by my company they are not renewing my employment contract due next month. I am going to be unemployed soon.
21st December 2013, things are turning awfully wrong, wave after waves of bad news is hitting me hard, I was really hurting deep inside and taking it very badly. I did not gamble but my life look like it is getting harder and turning out worst, I really cannot comprehend.
I asked a question at that time, “Is this what carrying my own cross and denying myself and following Christ ” really feels like ?
I was getting punch real hard like in the ring in life ‘s reality one time after another and trying hard to stand upright, I was slipping away and getting wasted, I was getting mentally weaker and weaker in the midst of all the pain and suffering during this period until I return to gambling drinking and woman to self medicate and find a relief for the intense pain and lousy feelings.
Things has change and not change now, things was still not ok but I am ok. Life is good now.
I feel that I am actually growing mentally stronger, more joyful and positive instead… in the midst of suffering , I praise God now!
Saint Peter says” rejoice in suffering in the name of Jesus Christ.”
Amen!
The quality of the ten week old clean days I had in the past
and the new ten week old clean days I have now is so different
This was what I went thru and now a part of my spiritual growth