I was performing my third days straight 12 hours shift at work over the weekend.
When I started out last year, there was 3 persons performing the shift on Saturday
Monday, normally we will have 4-6 person during office hours being the busiest day of the week
But last Sat, Sun, Mon, I was working alone.
Short handed one reason
2nd reason, I have proven I can do it in last 5 months over Sat and Sun
3rd reason, cost cutting measures and taking advantage of my presence
4th reason, it was a public holiday on Monday in Singapore but unfortunately it was not a holiday in Taiwan, Hong kong and China, these are the places we are servicing.
I get the job done on Sat and Sunday as usual but the workload on Monday was just too much for me to handle alone, I cannot cope.
I was too exhausted by the third day to cope with the heavy workload and starting to lose control of my mind, I have burn out. I can no longer deliver and say the right things. I hit my breaking point.
I am made of fresh afterall, I have lost self-control, I was fine and in control for a large part of the day until the end, I lost my focus on God completely for a moment, I was too tired and felt the exhaustion, it was too painful to carry on.
I was suffering serving demanding and difficult customer because my mind was too tired and don’t have any patience left. I become weak and helpless.
In the past, after work, I would have self-destructed and self-medicated. I could have gamble or drink to numb myself. This time, I did not do that but I was still disappointed I have forgotten about GOD and lost myself for a moment, I lost my mind and self-control but GOD did not left me, GOD help me and stop me, I didn’t press the self- destruction button . Everything was not ok but I was ok in the end. I did not have the mental strength to carry on at work but GOD gave me the strength not to press the self-destructive button.
I have already flag the situation to the operation manager about Monday when I saw the roster. She wasn’t convince. On Monday, I have kept her posted on the heavy workload and tell her I cannot cope after 5 hours, my mistakes at work proves it.
I did a self-reflection, I read about how I could be wrong if I respond base on my past experience, I could have tender my resignation, but this time I should trust my Higher Power and management and let them decide. Today I have informed the management about how I feel about the situation.
I have also remember reading about being loyal to work but not to the company because the company can one day inform you that they don’t need you anymore.
Yes I notice the same thing happening again, I burnout
Was self-inflicted in the past when I acted out on the job and become a workaholic
But this time it was inflicted by someone, I didn’t want to be a workaholic. Anyway I remember last year, work was the most important thing to me, without it, my life cannot function properly. It was more important to me than God . Today God has become more important than my job, work is not everything to me anymore, this is good news, finally, spiritually I am growing stronger.
Something stood out for me, I did not repeat the insanity cycle
I did not drink or gamble or look for sex to numb myself
I could not stop myself and cannot change on my own in the past
God has change me. Praise God. Halleluyah. God kept me safe today.