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I feel for you reading your story. Gambling addiction may not be harmful to our body like substances but it destroys us as human beings just as bad in my opinion. It’s unfortunate that our world revolves around money. That’s all we strive for
anymore as a species is to get that buck to survive. I don’t even think gambling/trading/investing addiction is about the money anymore if it was we wouldn’t be losing it as fast as we do thats for sure. I no for me I definitely did not care about the money it became some form of escape that I could not stop. I wish I could of just escaped in one of those fucking Farmville bs games or something. Lol I probably would of ended up buying all the stupid coins and shit to keep playing though lol. I understand your pain I have lost so much to my relapse as well. I read somewhere people says us gambling addicts are scum of the earth and all the fun label shit. They have no idea that being an addict is truly the most painful thing to live with. We don’t want to be addicts, we get sucked into this sick addiction through shitty brain chemistry/biology and trauma. We literally are just most of the time able bodied humans that are suffering internally. I hope you can be kind to yourself regardless of the damage that’s been done. I get that guilt,shame, and depression that comes with it I’m there myself. But if you can remeber your only a human that maybe was in this addiction surviving the only way you could at the time. I no it was for me. I might of ended up dead if I didn’t have an escape at the time. I was so messed up from trauma that gambling took me away from it. Was it right no but I was surviving the only way I new how in that moment. My brain was making that dopamine it needed or wanted I should say. I think when we end up at the recovery stage is when our brains finally become aware that we’re in that unhealthy survival mode to long. Maybe it’s just me trying to rationalize it but there has to be a reason some of us humans gets hooked on needing that dopamine high from substances or behavior addictions. It’s obvious we are lacking in those chemicals and are in psychological pain. I dont think were pieces of shit I just think were sick and misunderstood. I no this will never be cured but we can keep it a bay by doing the necessary work to stay away from it. Im glad you shared your story I no how hard it is. You will get your life back if you put the work into your recovery.