It’s funny that we all talk about doing things “one day at a time” as if we have a choice. If I could do it, I would do this gambling therapy one week at a time, or one month at a time , so that I would be assured I would hit at least a 7 day gamble free mark in a row. Alas, I am like all other mortals and have no choice but to try this one day at a time as well. I read your post above and marvel that you are only 34. So much life lived, and such a hard one in such a short amount of time can be hard to make sense of. I feel that pain. I had that sort of life up until my mid twenties and then started to slow down in to my thirties. My gambling didn’t happen until my fifties and now I am starting to understand why. I didnt do as you are doing now, deal with all of the darkness that clouded my mind and heart. I buried it really deep. I always wanted to be that person who was so strong and logical that I made sense of it all on my mind. It happened in the past, so just let it go. People did what they did to me to hurt me and I wasnt going to let it, so I let it go. But I didn’t let it go. Like you, I have it somewhere in me and you cant grow anything good in ground that is contaminated. I have been told that I gamble to avoid thoughts and feelings that are difficult for my mind to process. Those things are 40 + years old and have been festering for so long that I dont think that I really want to take a look at them. Your healing is reassuring and maybe you will be the success story i need to hear about. I need to be whole, no matter how old i am, and so do you. We have control. We have to find it. We are no different than anyone else ,our minds just work a little differently. Let’s stop feeling like we don’t belong to the human race and join in on living life. It’s insane that all of those people out there who are not gambling addicts do not have an issue with avoiding casinos and gambling sites. What do they do instead? They live. They shop and hike. They read books and make dinner. They watch t.v. and knit. There are so many other things to do. Why cant we just do those things. The other day I started to bake nanaimo bars, sat down for a coffee, started to gamble and did nothing else for 6 hours. ????? What happened to me? Didnt finish the nanaimo bars. I need to tap into why my mind switches to gambling when I am otherwise engaged. You need to know that you are doing great, sounding great and doing the only thing that any human being can do, taking the struggle one day a time, like all good humans do.
