Yea don’t have much choice but to live the way I am at the moment. I tried getting into the cottage today and the guy has so much garbage I can’t even get to the front door. He’s destroyed the whole place I was in tears walking away from it as the damage is just unreal. I’m just exhausted I just want a f&$*ing break. Im trying so hard to stay positive and hope that good will come from me trying to clean up my life and be a better person. I find that I have to keep watching shows or remeber situations where people are struggling with the most painful shit imaginable to get myself to realize that things really aren’t that bad for me. I want to stay out of the poor me mentality as much as I possibly can. My aunt is sitting inside her house dying of cancer right now but she keeps pushing forward and fighting life every which way she can. She’s a messed up angry women but she doesn’t ever let herself get into the poor me mentality. I get these brief feelings of disappointment and sadness but I’m finding I can push through it and move on quicker. Today I’m grateful for having strength to get me through the hard times. I’m grateful for being able to put one foot in front of the other and just keep marching on. I’m grateful that I see value in my life today and want to continue trying my hardest to make it the best I possibly can
