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#150776
jvr3419
Participant

I’m doing better today. I had a good session with my counselor and let out how I was feeling regarding the lonliness and my living situation. He told me he’s amazed at how I’ve coped through all the crap going on with me. Despite the negative situation He mentioned he hasn’t seen to many people be able to stay as positive as i have. I have my down times but I snap back really quick. I’m not willing to allow myself to not feel anymore but I’m also not going to sit and feel sorry for myself day in and day out. My grandma used to push me to get up and tell me to be constructive and accomplish something every day when I was young. I suffered with intense depression in my younger years when I first lived with her. She hated watching me suffer as it reminded her of my mom. My mom had severe bipolar disorder and was constantly being put in the psych ward for her episodes. My grandma refused to let me end up that way but it did happen once. I was Institutionlized at 13 for taking all my antidepressants at once. After that she literally would pull the blankets off me and push me out of my bed at hand me a broom or vacuum and say do something now. She may have been harsh but it taught me to not sit in self pitty for long. Till this day I won’t lay in bed all day I force myself to get up and do something. It helps me to keep pushing forward. I’m still learning forgiveness and acceptance with my shortcomings but that’ll happen in time. For now I’m just trying to set goals for myself.

Today I’m grateful for another day gamblefree. I’m grateful for the ability to find positivity today. I’m grateful for having kindness for myself.