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I sometimes have bad days at work. Its probably the same for everyone, but with two jobs, I get twice the chance. I have a weird relationship with working. I was raised in a family environment where your work ethic was everything to the family reputation. When I started my first job at a store where my grandmother frequented, the only thing she said to me is “dont embarrass me”. I have always been a hard working and conscientious employee. I have received many promotions and new positions because of my work ethic. When I got married, I did it mid week at a chapel so that I didnt miss too much work. For 15 years I worked 6 days a week and did all my paperwork at home or on my lunches. I was an employers dream employee and I loved every minute of the recognition. Then I lost it all. Not the job, the love and recognition. To make a long story short, I worked for someone who abused me, for lack of a better expression. He took all that I gave my job and used it as a weapon against me. He tried to get me fired as a way to save his own ass and it was then that I lost all confidence in myself. It was then that the gambling started. I have never been able to get back what I lost, what he took from me. I cannot separate myself from my work. When i work with an idiot i feel it on a level that is bizarre to most, like it is somehow my fault he’s an idiot. I NEED to be appreciated and well thought of. It’s like a drug to me. My second job is just a menial job working two afternoons a week. I am there for 12 hours a week. I work with people much younger than me sometimes and they are easily ruffled and sometimes very bossy. I worked with one last night who muttered under her breath “why are you talking”. I wanted to smack the little sow. I was trying to help her with an error that she had made and couldn’t resolve. I guess I wont do that again, right? Wrong. I am just the type of employee that will always step in and try to help, even if it is never appreciated, because that is what team members do. I am at a point in my life where I should be retiring soon. I have another 8 years or so to wind down. I am at a loss at the idea because work is all I know. I have been at the same company for 38 years. While I know that it has been the source of much of my joy and confidence over the years, it has also been the source of the anguish that started me on the road to being an addict. I need to examine my relationship with this entity and perhaps change the dynamics. It’s a dysfunctional relationship that I cannot get out of quite yet, so I must learn to adapt it to be more healthy for me in the short run. It is something to think about for sure.