We win, I must agree with dark energy. I, too, had to come back a few times and stopped posting because of my relapses a few years ago. This is now my third thread. I am reporting 21 days gamble free today and it has been really hard. I think about it all of the time and while I have little access to it on a daily basis, the thoughts are always there about finding a way to go to a casino and try games that I want to play. If I go I could be arrested as I have self excluded from all of them. It is not a chance that I am willing to take because then I would have to be bailed out by someone and I don’t want anyone to know the extent of addiction. I know that the only reason I have been successful for the last 3 weeks is that there is no way for me to actually gamble since I have put gamban on all of my devices. It sounds like you need to put some serious blocks in place to help you stop. Self exclusion from the casino is a start and then gamban on your devices will give you help in the first months when it is truely hard to stop no matter what you try. It gets easier each day, believe me, after the first few weeks when you stop the brain from falling back into that pattern of putting gambling in the equation. You will have more money, eventually, and it will start a new train of life choices. I do not believe that God is responsible for my situation or my choices. I made them of my own free will and should have stopped long ago, but it was easy to get my buzz this way and not face the life that I had built. I must face my decisions with honesty and integrity and dig myself out of the hole that I have dug. So must you. The situation you are in is very hard but if you keep strategizing on how to get yourself back into a positive space instead of how to “win” at the casino you might find that the outcome will be more in your favor. Life is precious beyond value. If you are truely at a point where it has no value to you because of gambling then you have to reevaluate what gambling is to your life. It is your drug and it is killing you. I dont hear the hate in your post that should be there for this drug. You blame God. Blame gambling. Hate the gambling, ask God for strength and move away from those influences that are weakening your resolve. I hope that you find another path soon.
