Doing ok today I’ve had alot of positive conversations happen in the last few days so I’m feeling pretty good about that. My aunt decided to leave for Thailand last minute to try and get a surgery done she needs. I’m really nervous as she’s extremely frail and weak and went alone she has stage 4 cancer that she’s been holding on for along time from. She said to me last night before she left that this could be the last moment I see her as she may not return if she can’t make it through the surgery. I got pretty sad last night as she’s really all I have left for blood family so I’m trying to stay positive that she’ll make it back ok. If not I have to accept that she’s gone where her heart wanted to go right now. She’s the strongest person I no and she’s hurt me alot in my life but I’ve let go of my resentments at her because its not worth the rented space in my head anymore. What’s done is done and I’m starting a clean slate. She said one last thing to me is to keep trying to look at the positives and keep smiling. She said don’t stop trying be a better person and don’t take shit from anyone just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I’ve had non stop loss in my life so its hard not to feel uneasy. However I no im capable of managing on my own because i have been for awhile now. Fincially I’m doing ok I’ve saved alot already since I quit gambling. I’m doing well at work so I no I have a stable job and even if I didn’t I’ve gone to college 3 times so I’m trained in a few different careers if I need to fall back on other things. I saw my counselor last night and he asked me if I’ve thought about gambling I said no not at all. I don’t even like the idea of it anymore it repulses me just like the thought of drinking or doing drugs does. I no I don’t have alot of time in yet but I no that I’m on the right track now and that the withdrawl and craving stages are over. I’ve learned to identify my emotions and feelings and how to sit with them. I’ve learned my triggers and what caused my relapse in the first place and how to prevent that again so I feel I’m doing really well now.
