I had to make a payment plan with a few of my debtors this week to get caught up and it is incredibly sobering how far behind I have managed to get on some of my bills. I will work on this tirelessly because that is how I do things, and the lack of money to gamble will help in my recovery. It’s like losing weight when there is not a lot to eat. I will make some choices and others will be made for me but that doesnt devalue my progress or recovery. I read what @dark energy wrote about paying off debt then relapsing and so I will make sure to be aware that this could retrigger me. I want to get to a point where gambling ( and it’s horrible after effects) do not take up all of my mind. I want to start living, planning, doing things that other people consider normal. Start an exercise routine to get into better shape. Save money for new furniture. Go to the mall and buy a new pair of Jeans. Anything but gamble or skrimp to make ends meet and pay my obligations because I did gamble. I want to stop thinking about how to live like it looks like I have no money issues. I want to stop being worried about paying my daughters tuition. It will all stop if I do. I just have to stop being a dork and throwing money at a company in Malta. It’s easier than we think and the hardest thing that we have ever had to do. Or is it really? As with @kin, we just have to deny ourselves the pleasure that we crave, deal with a little mental discomfort at the thought of not being able to do as we crave, put on our big boy pants and stop digging ourselves into the quick sand. That is what gambling is to us. Every move we make digs us in deeper until it will eventually swallow us up. The only smart move is to avoid the sand altogether and that is what I plan to do right now. How I feel tomorrow may not be in line, but I hope that reading your posts will put me back on the straight and narrow of I falter. I wish you all strength today.
