This made me so happy to read. Nice to meet the vulnerable side of you 😊. I’ve wanted to comment on your other posts alot but I didn’t feel my words would really do much as I could tell you still weren’t ready to fully surrender yet to this part of it all. Letting go of the need to control is really tough its a security net for protecting oneself as I’m sure you already no. I’ve seen alot of the things you write other people and you no what to say to others all the time. Your a smart women I can tell by the way you write and I’ve said before I see alot similarities to how I am through how you write. We’re the type that have had to survive life on our own terms. I admire that you never give up that takes so much courage and strength. And what you just did talking to your family member and realizing you needed more help that was really brave of you so I commend you on that. I will say one thing when you said you realized your depressed I haven’t met one person in the last 10 years of being around recovering addicts who wasn’t depressed. That’s what addiction boils down to in the end. Depression takes many different forms and we all experience it in different ways. Alot of people I’ve met including myself have had a hard time being “labled” by some psychological term because I/they have felt even more defective by the terms used in the dsm books. But realistically were not defective were just wounded people that need to do some serious healing.the healing part takes surrender and it does require finding some kind of spirtual outlet whatever that might be to take us outside of ourself so we’re not trying to control and run the show. That’s the toughest part or me anyways. Especially when I feel powerless that’s when I try to take control back even more so. I think that’s why people relapse that’s why I did anyways because I needed to feel some kind of control and whenever I do that it always ends up destructive as shit. You got this I believe you can beat this addiction.
