I had a bit of an irony moment last night. I was trying to set up a storage shed I bought as I needed to be out of my rented storage unit today and my cottage renos aren’t done. As I was setting the tent storage up the wind picked up it was blowing over everything I would put up I spend an hour getting everything set up for it to blow over and rip the covers off that I couldn’t run around fast enough to secure. Lol I’m laughing at myself now because it was funny but not at the time. It’s irony for me because I was trying to do this after work when I was extremely exhausted and hadn’t eaten all day. I got angry through everything on the ground and walked away. I woke up super early my brain clicked in because I wasn’t so tired and I had the thing put up in 20 mins because my inner metal worker screwed all the poles togeather instead of waiting for them to fall apart again lol. I guess the irony for me was that I needed to just not try to rush I should of waited till morning when there wasn’t a frigging wind storm. But that’s just how I am I want everything done fast as I have so much other crap to do. It was a good moment for me to learn from that I have to stop pushing myself so much. I keep saying that I’m going to slow down but it’s a really hard lesson to learn when your a single female trying to do everything yourself. If I didn’t work in an extremely physical job all the renos,moving,fixing stuff wouldn’t be so hard but my body just gets beat down everyday. I used to give my ex crap because he was so ADHD running around killing himself at work being in trades to then come home and do 50 things at our old house then be dead to the world crying about how tired he was. Now thats me lol. Maybe being in the trades for so long I’ve started taking on a guy persona. My apprentice said the other day to me to get some burns looked at from a welding mishap He said, “don’t be like a man and ignore it”. I laughed because ive broken my finger at work and kept working through the day still not caring. I no that I have to start looking after myself better especially my body. I may be 34 but I’m going to start feeling like I’m 100 if I don’t give myself time to recoup. Part of being healthy includes your mind, body, and soul. I’m working on my mind with counseling and doing my recovery steps,and having a sponsor. I’m doing work on my soul/spirtuality through my stepwork and practicing my culture,beliefs, meditation ect. But my body that needs work. I exercise like crazy because I’m in trades and don’t ever stop doing physical crap. I do two long walks a day to because i have a dog and go on hikes most weekends and im into extreme sports when I can get time. I eat healthy as I’m a vegetarian. But I don’t let my body rest enough and that is something I need to force myself to do. Recovery isn’t just about trying not to compulsively do the addictive behavior anymore its about trying to live a healthy well rounded life. That’s the part that’s hard is to learn how to accomplish that to stay in a healthy place all around. I guess that’s why I share about where I’m at now because even after the “using” stops the part of being a healthy recovering addict takes work like achieving emotional sobriety and staying out of the term called a dry drunk. This doesnt just pertain to an alcoholic its just a name for an unhealthy recoverying addict. So it can be messy but there’s solutions to get balanced but it certainly does not happen overnight.
