I know that I am facing this obstacle alone because I choose to. My sister knows of my situation and is there to help if necessary but I choose not to include her. She has her own life and troubles and I know that she needs to focus on herself. In keeping things to myself, not only do I face the enemy alone but I fight the enemy on my terms. I got paid today and almost every cent i made went to bills. I am on a few repayment plans since I got behind on a few bills so the amounts are a bit steep, but I know that this will not last forever. In a month or so I will be back to regularly scheduled payments in reasonable amounts and the feeling of drowning will leave, if only for a moment. I plan to be on repayment plans for a while and on weekly payments forever because that’s how I used to do it. When I was right, that is. I try to remember when I had it all down pat, smoothly running through life instead of jumping from one obstacle and emergency to another. I am trying now to keep the reigns on. Keeping things under control may not seem like fun, may not seem like a long term solution, but I am a person of extremes. If I can now keep myself under control I can right the wrongs that i have done to myself and get back to a place where I can look myself in the mirror and smile. I need to swing to this extreme, for the time being, so that the pendulum can once again sway closer to the middle. I am hoping for fee ups and downs, only calm and predictable times for the next year until I am calm and predictable and better. I am hoping that you all are happy and gamble free today
