I had a reason to worry yesterday for my second job. There are a good number of people now available to work hours and I was afraid to be losing the hours that they are giving me. It made me feel different about working when I was there. I will usually feel a bit of resentment while I work because I am working on my day off. It is a menial labor position and pays minimum wage but it is providing me with both extra income and distraction on my days off. I need the second job to help with the payments that i must make to get back on track and the only time that i seem to value something these days is if i am in a position where i may lose it. It is disheartening to feel that way as I dont like taking things for granted. I have struggled a long time to get all that I have and I fear that my gambling is, in part, a way of putting me back on the edge so that I value what I have. I am in full response mode at this time. Survival mode. I have to look to see that this is or is not the case to help with my recovery.
