I’m glad I had my counseling session today because I had a meltdown this morning. I bought a brand new couch and a guy I work with told me 3 times he’d help me move it into my place I gave him 2 weeks notice and kept checking to make sure. He messaged me at 4 am today to tell me can’t. I was livid and angry because I never ask for help from anyone. It just made me feel like something was wrong with me for him to just decide no and who messages someone at 4 am to say that on top of it. It triggered my insecurities big time. This guy has been overly forward in some areas with me over the last few weeks but it made zero sense to me why he’d just say no after confirming he’d help me several times. I’m not stupid I can properly figure that one out but it bothered me alot. It made me feel like I can’t trust anyone or ask anyone for help because they never come through for me. I ended up finding a solution but it’s going to cost me more but at least I figured it out. I had several things happen to set me off this week but that was just my last straw. When I walked into my counselor he told me well you didn’t gamble or use this week after all the shit thats happened to you. And hes right little shit that used to set me off and trigger me or make me upset would send me into a tailspin of depression and then I’d find relief through gambling. I’m happy I’m learning to let myself feel vulnerable and upset when I feel let down. I think it’s only natural or so my counselor told me. He said alot of the things that bother me are what trigger normal people not just someone who’s been through alot of trauma. I’m trying to learn what is so called healthy normal feelings and emotions vs what is stuff from my past. He said I’ve improved so much he doesn’t see my past come out much it’s just everyday life stressors that bother anyone. That actually made me feel like a real human for once and not like im some kind of alien or something.
