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#161246
Dark Energy
Participant

Day#19,
I did a painful exercise, I read all the logs that I have from 2016 til today, and by then I came to know I am a compulsive gambler, before that, I thought what I was doing is trading and my issue is just a financial.
going through the records I figured out some patterns
the 1st pattern :
the relapse is not sudden, it comes with having extra money normally anything above 600$, followed by a period of fighting urges, this period last from 1 to 6 days then relapse, I literally wrote many times in the day before I relapse the following “today I had a very strong urge to gamble but thankfully I have fought these urges and didn’t gamble” and then in the next day, I relapsed.

the 2nd pattern is :
it seems that I have 6 levels of gambling-free days’.
1st milestone is: 21 days ( i have reached this milestone a lot of times)
2nd milestone is: 45 days ( i reached this level around 8 or 9 times )
3rd milestone is: 70 days ( 2 times then relapsed)
4th milestone is: 90 days ( reached this level 2 or 3 times then relapsed )
5th milestone is: 188 days ( this is the maximum that I have ever achieved, and I have achieved it once only)

the 3rd thing that I noticed is that I have learned from my experience, I have learned from all these releases, reading my comments I can see how my understanding of this addiction, myself, and my views about trading and investing changed. simply now I am more mature mentally. this gives me hope that I can beat this addiction.