Fast forward to 2022. It’s now 5 years since I last posted and things have not improved. If anything, I hit rock bottom this past weekend as my bets since 2017 have gone through the roof. The small bets and wins of $1K no longer did anything for me. I needed the bigger wins, which meant I was spending a lot more to chase the thrills.
On the weekend, I won a hefty jackpot, 5-figures from placing the max bet, but instead of walking away with what would have been a downpayment towards a house, I ended up losing it all plus a lot more in credit cards, $27K. I was already planning on how to spend the money I made, and so it was the worst feeling in the world when it all disappeared. I hate myself for not being able to walk away that night with my winnings. I feel depressed and can’t sleep and can’t eat. All I think about is the lost and how crazy I was betting max amounts and watching tens of thousands of dollars dwindle to absolutely zero. I had suicidal thoughts the next day because it was a life-changing amount of money. I feel so hopeless because of this addiction as I continue to be alone and not be able to save any money for my future.