Day 19. I’m still having many sleepless nights thinking about how one simple action to stop could have changed everything for me. I talked aloud and told myself I got lucky and not to press my luck and just walk away with the huge jackpot, convincing myself that I was destined to win a jackpot to have a happy holiday and fresh start to the new year. The maddening thoughts of a compulsive gambler.
It’s insanity to think that in 12 hours, I lost 2 years of salary. I used to think $3/spin on an online slot machine was a lot and there I was doing $100-$200 spins. High limit slots are no joke, it’s dangerous.
Since that awful night, I’ve closed two credit cards and had two reduced to minimum limits. I’ve also been to two therapy sessions and two GA meetings, but I still feel numb. I know I need to be patient with myself and to take it one day at a time. Some days are harder than others.