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#173087
jvr3419
Participant

Still gamble free and staying strong with it. I have days where I get upset at my mistakes but it’s just something that will always be in the back of my mind. My bestfriend just ended a relationship with a man whom had a gambling addiction so she was telling me his behaviors. I was able to help her understand him and show her he was still using as he tried using the excuse he’s banned himself from casinos but still plays lottery and scratches. So I explained why he was being controlling and toxic towards her as he’s still in active addiction. It’s good for me to see how easy it is for even people close to me to try and justify gambling addiction. I no that no matter what I can’t touch anything associated with it nor will I. I don’t want to end up being that miserable toxic person again and I definitely don’t want to treat people like how I see what just happend to my bestfriend. I’ve been around all types of addiction my whole life with myself, and others. I’ve seen recovery for almost every addiction both healthy, and non healthy. I no what I dont want to be like that’s all I no. I push myself as hard as I can to stay educated, grounded, spiritually aware, and personally accountable for every behavior I have. Everyday I try to see my behaviors like doing a daily inventory that 12 step groups suggests. It helps me see my defects, where I can improve, what I need to apologize for or what I need to ask for from others even if I’m being mistreated. Someone like me that struggles with severe trauma( even with healing and counseling). I can still tend to put myself into bad situations that can be unhealthy so I have to learn to respect myself. I’ve been reading tons of books and watching CPTSD healing videos left right and center to make sure that I stay on top of my mental health to. That’s the thing that sets my addiction tendencies off is when my CPTSD is getting triggered to much and I start disregulating. As exhausting and hard as it is to keep constantly looking at myself to keep my recovery up its worth it because I definitely don’t want to be who I was in addiction. That person to me is not alive its purely someone in survival mode not existing at all. Today I can say I feel alive. Not everyday is perfect by any means but I make it through without using any forms of addiction from substances to behavior related ones. The biggest thing is routine having a healthy diet, exercise, proper sleep, work/life balance, healthy relationships with others, and goals. These simple things are what keep me structured and away from my bad habits.