Day 89
Still going. Still have bad days, remorse of course. That will always be there but use it as a reminder of the damage that gambling causes. ALWAYS.
Cut right back on smoking and drinking. Feel better about that.
When I feel bad about myself I have always smoked and drank more. Often triggered by gambling.
Got to find ways to deal with this. Have a much different mindset. Control my actions. Stay positive.
I am definitely feeling like I am back to square one. Back to the start. I have played snakes and ladders and slipped right back to the bottom level.
I can work my way back up. Set myself rules to live my life by and not waver and be weak. Avoid the snakes that have haunted me.
Working on things day by day but can see I am approaching 100 days. That would be an achievement but not something to be complacent about or celebrate. But hopefully I can learn to start to feel good about being “clean”.
I know I need to keep changing for the better. Learn to let it go, move on, be a better man for what has happened.
At 100 days I will set some short term and longer term goals for myself. Use it as a marker to clear the daze in my head.
Learn to take each day in turn but have a clear picture of where I want to be.
To take control and not let other things control me.
Day by day, tread the good path, stay strong. Best wishes to all.
