Hi no1gambler, You can stop gambling I promise you. I am not a believer but if there is a God/Allah then he did come through for you – he brought you here where you can get support.
I suggest posting in the My Journal Forum where you will read many sytories similar to your own, you will get more support and feedback there as well from others.
You have mentioned “wishing death upon yourself” so i need to give you this link. https://befrienders.org/ There is always someone to talk to and there is a lot of life after gambling.
I look forward to readaing your progress in the My Jounral Forum and hopefully I will get to talk to you oin one of the groups here as well. Keep posting.