I’ve had a really bad day and I’m trying to keep my head above water. I’m super burnt out from work and finally managed to get a 4 day weekend. Literally 2 mins after leaving my site I was side swiped by a car running a red light. Damaged my entire back end of my car. It was drivable to a repair shop but because it’s a holiday they can’t fix it for at least a week or more. They duct taped my bumper and whatever was left of my right-side panels and told me to drive slow home lol. Now I’m stuck not able to go anywhere for a holiday so I’m super bummed and upset. My cars brand new to so its frustrating. I feel angry but it’s also out of my control so I just have to accept what happened and that it will get fixed for a 500 deductible which is better than the 5000 plus cost to repair it. These things happen in life there is no way around it. Before I would of “used” at it because of my anxiety and anger. Today I just have to feel my feelings and move on. I live beside the ocean amongst tons of hiking trails. I still have things I can do so I have to look at the positives. I have the money to fix it because I haven’t gambled in along time so I have an emergency fund. Staying grateful even when I’m upset is the best way to keep me from getting into a bad place. My addict brain can flip on a dime so I have to constantly fight myself to not switch into the Dr jeckel Mr hyde senerio. My partner had to calm me down on the phone when it first happened because my anxiety was through the roof. He heard me spiraling right away and spoke assertively to make me snap out of it. I get really dysregulated when I’m in a place of fear. Because I still have complex ptsd it can get aggrivated really fast by things like this. Even though I had therapy which helped me function way better I still have rough times. My partners now seeing the trauma therapist I had himself so he reminded me of the techniques I needed to do to get my brain to slow down and think about my next moves for the day. One thing I was taught in early recovery was the importance of sharing about how we get through the rough times. Life isn’t easy so to prevent relapse we have to have ways to cope with life stressors that set us off. I’ve definitely had alot of stressors lately. I’ve cut off toxic family members. Have had some major deaths in my family so I’m still grieving, and dealing with a partner who’s also trying to battle his own demons and recovery. I admire him though because it’s not easy to admit when you need professional help so for that im extremely grateful to.
