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Dark Energy

it is almost 9 years, I remember that in August 2014 I get hooked on trading forex, it started a few months earlier but from August 2014 I started opening credit cards and getting loans to do forex trading, I had good savings at that time around 40,000 $, but instead of using my saving I decided to use a small loan with low interest and I was delusional enough to think that I will be able to win much more from trading.

almost two years later in August 2016, I reached my deepest rock bottom, I had a total of 150,000$+ in debt between 8 credit cards, personal loans, and loans from family members, I lost all my savings, I was not able to pay my rent, I left the apartment and slept in my car for 7 days, that was my deepest rock bottom ever, and oddly enough till that moment I didn’t know that I have a gambling addiction, my naive analysis was what I have is only a financial problem.

another year passed before I admit that I have a gambling addiction, and start to read more about the subject, frankly, gambling is not a common thing here in the middle east, no casinos, and religion prohibits any gambling activity, so growing up I never knew or heard about anyone from my friends, family or from the community who is suffering from gambling, it is a subject that will be rarely mentioned, this a positive thing that comes from religion, I am a hardcore atheist but I think our ancestors were right by prohibiting gambling.
anyhow, I really read many books and watched a lot of videos at that stage just to know what is gambling addiction, and how to treat it. it was an alien subject to me. especially because I was addicted to day trading, not normal gambling games or sports betting.

then from 2017 till now, I am trying to recover from this addiction, and I am really tired of repeating the same cycle time and again, it has been 9 years of living in Hell, and 6 years trying to get out of it.

today is Day#3 in this new trial, will see how far i will reach.