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Dark Energy

Day#16, totally overwhelmed. it is not about gambling but it is about everything in my life and about myself. I am really doubting myself, Is this really who I am? A f*** loser!!!.

gambling made everything much much worse, it set me back 15 years, and worse than that I am currently at a negative Net worth of 54,000 $, and a total of 95,000 $ in debt.

the debt is one subject. work is another subject, At work, I am a ticking bomb I don’t know when I will burst and resign, I am stuck in this job and this career that I need to change, but I can’t because of all that debt. and because of the bad career choices over the past 15 years.

add to that the personality issues from anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and most likely ADHD.

Also, Health issues started to come up, In addition to that I am overweight, I am 18 kg away from my acceptable level and 28 kg away from my perfect level.

no girlfriend, no marriage, no kids, In two years I will be 40 and I have done nothing.

Friends, only work friends.

and I forgot to add Nicotine addiction.

to be frank, I doubt that this is all because of addiction, I really think this is who I am, and even after fixing the gambling issue, I will have a ton of personality issues to fix.

I can’t really handle it anymore.