Last night I had a huge test occur. I flew out to visit my gf for a suprise bday get away with a group of other girls as well. These group of girls are not part of my recovery friendship group but there amazing people. They like to drink and indulge but there not people that trigger me there just fun and aurhentic. I was there designated driver since I’m sober and they decided they wanted to go to the casino. Only one of the girls nos my story with gambling but because she had wine in her she forgot. I agreed to drive them to the casino but said I’ll just wait in the car. I don’t feel triggered or anything but I piped up and said just before parking i can’t go in and explained the truth as they no im in recovery from substances that I’m a gambling addict to. Before I even managed to park they all said oh hell we don’t need to go in there lets just keep driving. I felt bad because I didn’t want to ruin there fun but they all ended up saying thankyou because none of them could afford to lose money anyways. Being able to be vulnerable in that moment was tough because I had to choose both to speak my truth and try not to feel judged. But also wanting to feel apart of at the same time. I’m thankful for my ability to have the strength to not only let people be who they are but also be able to stay true to myself. I’ve learned alot in the last 12 years that all I can do is be an example to others that you don’t need all the euphoric highs from all the temptations out there. Im still outgoing and have fun and can be apart of any social group but that’s with alot of hard work and knowing my limits. I have times where I’m not capable of being around party people but I no when i need to exit certain situations. People are gonna keep living and doing there own thing I can’t expect nor do I except others to live a clean life like myself.
