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Picture of two possible ways

After 15 jears gambling i’ve went on with it the whole rest of my life. I’m 68 jears old now, and i’m living in a little flat. I’m feeling devastetad. Why did I do all that to myself?
Why i wasnt been able to care for myself?
Its never to late to make a change, but i really doubt i can do this kind of change.
All this beautiful dreams of life i’ve had, theire all destroid by the destructive part of myself.

Cause I’ve always lied to myself with thinking “next month I really quit gambling” after I smashed my plan from last month, quitting gambling next month.

So the months went on, got into jears and into nearly five decades of self destruction. What can i say at the end of this life?
I really know what it’s ment to be an addict. But should this knowlege be the only real topic on which i got an expert?
I wish i could go back in time and tell my jounger self that it has to stop. Still stop now. To stop now would be the greatest Jackpot of life. And prevent this terrible summary of wrong choices over a whole lifetime.

I’m really proud of quitting gamble in my middle 30’s. It’s been the most life-changing chioce i’ve ever made.
In my younger jears of life i’ve learnd a lot of what it’s ment to be an addict. About freedom and discipline, and how these two things necessiate each other.

All I’ve ever wanted was real true freedom. The jounger version of myself thought, freedom means you can do what you will every time you will. But that’s a big fallacy.

Without having the discipline and the right mindset to care for yourself, you’ll get in to deep trouble.
And if no one’s arround you who know’s you and has the will and time to help you out, you’ll end possibly as an addict like i did.

To realice the importance of discipline in all daily life situations, gave me the empowerment to free myself, into true freedom.

I recogniced that I must be this person who helps me out of that. Freedom doesnt mean to do every unhealthy thing you like, cause it gives you instant good feelings- no, especially it doesnt mean that.

Freedom means to be a master of own life, and thankfully care that life. Love myself, dont destroy myself.
Don’t gamble with health and money, which is needed in this world to create a fine way of living.

I always dreamed of a world without money, where all people help each other.
But at this time in which i’m living (if like it or not) money is needed. I can accept reality, or run against the same walls i did over jears.
Cause I never cared about having money, and did all that stupid things to throw my money out of the next window. I’m happy that my jounger self decided one moment in time, to end this. Thank you 👍