Or might it be destiny what your childhood includes on trauma. When I see what one big trauma can do to your personality, it can change your way of living.
And the only chance you’ll have, is to process it over jears, in therapy if possible, or on your own.
But it might always take jears. And a lot of traumaticed people think, its theire own fault that they arent able to live a normal healthy life.
The problem is, that they never learnd to love themselfes. Cause parents had’nt been able to care in the right way. Parents like that might be not always bad people, but they have theire own trauma, what they were struggling with. It seems to be a trauma circle over generations.
The only way to stop this circle, is to recognice that you have always been a worthful human beeing, which just came (born) into very difficult circumstances of life.
There is no guilt of a child in anyway.
What helped me here also, was the perspective change into a higher position. A spiritual perspective.
Maybe our soul comes to this world, more than one time?
And maybe in my last life i’ve already had that parents who cared in the right way (?).. and what if my soul wants to see every possible aspect of beeing human?
This perspective on life makes the harder expiriences less harder. Cause it might be just a part of a very long story back to god- the center, the beginning and end of all living.
The question of guilt is the wrong approach, i think.
Better looking for solutions, accept the past.
Cause you’ll never can change it afterwards.
Create a picture of the best version of your self, and try to become that person,
step by step. You can give your self the absolotuion to be free from all bad behavior, when you learn to love and care for yourself.
Addiction is self destruction, self destruction just happens without enough love for me and myself. It’s ok how it is, it can become good in the future- if I create it.