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During times when I am sick from known and unknown chronic illness or mental illness that I suffer from. I really find it harder to do the same thing every day. It takes more effort from me on tough and rough days to do the right thing.

Not everyone can understand that I can get very stress by many different factors; my high blood pressure, eczema, exhaustion and fatigue, impulsive control disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, mood swing, depression, climate change, work and many others. I can get stress by different thing on different days. They are a big distraction to my recovery.

It is very challenging for me to stay abstinence from all addictions at the same time from compulsive drinking, eating, sex, gambling and doctor prescribe drugs.

My thoughts and feelings were not the same every day, it can change when I experience hardships, pain and suffering. Once my thought and feeling switch from recovery to relapse mode, my well-being will change from safety to danger mode.

If I am driving, I will know that I am heading in the wrong direction, there are signs, I will have gambling, drinking, eating, sexual thought. I should make a U turn at this time, change my way and head in the correct direction. If I do not repent, and allow the mistake to carry on. I will end up following and acting out my thought and feeling.

I was NEVER HONEST all the times, sometimes my BARRIERS HAVE LOOPHOLES and I did not do anything about them. My recovery was just waiting to fail sooner or later.

I must know how to protect myself from acting out my thought and feeling to prevent a relapse.
I am a sinner. I need help. I need mercy and grace from God.

I was not honest every day. I need to stay focus and be honest today.
On some days, my barriers have loopholes. I need to stay focus and remove all the risk today.
I need to keep myself away from all danger today.
I need to do the next right thing today.

Tomorrow, I do the same. One day at a time.
I am no saint. I am imperfect. I am a sinner.
I am work in progress and under construction.

  • This reply was modified 1 week, 4 days ago by kin.