I was journaling on the notepad in my phone on the road just now. I check my thought, feeling and emotion. I felt good, but something was not right, I do not know what.
I seem to want more, I want to feel good and satisfying, that means doing something familiar and predictable like gambling, drinking, eating, sex and others.
It was a danger sign; I am not home, I am not safe, I could end up anywhere if I allow my self-will to lead me.
My enemy is so cunning and deceptive. It comes very quietly; I did not know it is coming and very near me; it was trying to control me.
You will know if you can recognize some signs such as feeling of boredom, indecisive, impatience and restlessness; discontent and dissatisfied my finance is not good enough, my saving is not growing fast enough; I want more and I want it now.
I just have enough gratitude, calm and patience, mindfulness and awareness to keep me safe in this tug of war today.
I am good and safe at home now as I post this.
I was this close to gambling and my barriers has made it very inconvenient for me.
It only take one bad decision, one wrong move and I could be gambling now.
I was not so determine to gamble today; I was not so impulsive and not very out of control;
I may not be so lucky next time.
I only need to stay gamble free today whether I like it or not.
Tomorrow, I do the same
One day at a time.