I am writing this post after surviving another challenging day.
I was very vulnerable and weak in my previous two posts. I was in the mental and emotional relapse stage. I was really digging very deep for that last energy “not to do anything else except sleep”.
After 7 hours of sleep, I have recharge and restored my energy now. My mental and emotional well-being has change. I woke up not thinking or planning to place my first sports bet.
I am no better than anyone because I was this close to gambling today. I knew it was wrong to gamble yet I still want to gamble. If I did not change course, I am heading for a gamble.
I knew it was time to do the walk and not the talk. I remember to repent today
I knew it was wrong to gamble. I am heading in the wrong direction and getting closer and closer to placing my first bet.
I make a U-turn back to change my direction; I am going to force myself to sleep.
I knew if I do anything else, I will choose to gamble. I must not do anything else.
It was hard to do the right thing when I cannot think straight.
It was never easy to walk the walk.
My previous posts were a collection of information that I can use in vulnerable times like today.
I simply follow what I need to do to “stick to the plan all the way to the end today.”
I walk away from danger; I went home; watch a movie that I cannot finish online to put me to sleep.
I was feeling so sick at that moment.
I was not sure whether I will still think and feel like gambling after the sleep.
I woke up from my sleep a totally different person.
I have regained the energy to function like a normal person.
I was not thinking of getting money to gamble.
I cannot promise to stay gamble free for life but I can stay gamble free today.
I did not win anything today but the sense of security, safety, peace, happiness and freedom that I received was priceless.
I am grateful to be gamble free today. It did not come easy.
I will always be a work in progress and under construction.