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Today I had three moments of thinking about starting gambling. It was a very stressful day, I’m leaving my flat these days and it’s a lot of work to do.

I recognized the urge to look at my bank account and how much money I’ve got on it- with the thought of gambling a little bit- but I noticed it immediately and reminded me of the things that are important for me and my future- like the expensive education over three years that I’m going to start in march.
I used the situation to get the bank details from the campus to pay the first bill, so the picture got clearer.

I saw that I’m getting far more control over my life. Earlier in time it had been impossible to turn around when an impulse like this had come to my mind..

when the thought was there- the gambling had to take place without any chance and an inner motivation of not going gamble. It was like a program that was started and couldn’t be stopped until it was done. (All money must be burned-the circle has fulfilled- self destruction completed)

I thank god and my ability to resist the urge and patterns of trained behavior. And that I had been able to install a „firewall“ in my head against that program.

I’m able to watch myself from a higher position, from where I can see my visions for the future and the needed steps to get there. Loosing money isn’t one of these steps.

Since I’ve stopped gambling I want to create financial stability. I want to live a good life the rest of my lifetime here on this earth.

Thanks to this journal that helps me to get this feelings into words and so out of my head. Focus is coming back, without loosing it totally.

  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by sarahluna88.