Believe me I can understand you. I was in so much debt in my second relapse. For 9 months I didn’t gamble and paid 2/3 of it. For 9 months I worked in 2 different jobs because 1 salary wasn’t enough to pay my monthly debt. Sometimes I did additional jobs too. It was so tiring and devastating. I was sure that I wouldn’t gamble again but I did. All of the hard work of 9 months faded in just 1 week. Now my debt is the same as 9 months ago. But now I understand that it is not about the debt. It is about mental health. It is about getting back to a normal life, a happy life. With hobbies and doing things that I like to do. Don’t think about the replaceable things like money. You can pay all your debts and start it again and make it even worse than before again. You gotta focus on your recovery. Money always can be earned. But there are things that can’t be replaced. Find those things and don’t lose them. You are not alone in this. I have the same problem and I am trying to deal with it. Just like you.
Losses are really bad and can make you feel very depressed. But again, it is not about the loss. We are trying to get out of something awful. It is an addiction. Our recovery will not be easy. Of course it will take from us somethings. There will be pain. We have so many years ahead of ours. Spend time for your hobbies, for workout, anything that make you feel happy. Focus on the gamble-free future you can have. The things you can buy yourself, places that you can travel, books you can read etc. There is still hope. We can win this fight. Just don’t give up.