hello everyone,
just checking in to write an update, I didn’t write for while thou I am keep reading the new posts.
I think I am 9 months gambling free.
the past 3 months where very tough for me. it all started a what i thought is a heart attack and after going to emergency the diagnosis was it is just a panic attack!!! i did not believe this diagnosis. I am a 39 years old, never had a panic attack, I am very tough, i don’t care of i will die today or tomorrow, the last time i cried was 30 years ago when i was 9 years old. and i grew up a thick skin after all the disasters that i passed through and the disasters that i am still living. my life was not easy at all but i never had a panic attack…so I was vey sceptic, why now !!. then i had another 2 episodes in the following two days. so I decided to check with cardiologist i was pretty sure it is something related to my heart it could not be a panic attack, but the cardiologist assure me nothing is wrong with me, them i moved on to neurologist and i got the same answer.
some how i refused to believe what I am having is panic attacks, i don’t know, I felt like “f**k i never though i will become f** up to this degree…. how low i will reach before i get my acts together”. Am I now too weak to a degree that I am having panic attacks.
having the panic attack is bad, but the idea that i become to week to a degree that I start having panic attacks this idea is much worse for me, yes I am an educated person, open minded, atheist, rational person but I think it is it is a culture thing.
anyhow, after a lot of hesitation i decided to see a psychiatric, and after a 3 long hours she diagnosed me with major depression, anxiety, and high possibility of ADD. i was surprised that gambling addiction was not mentioned in her report despite that most of the discussion were about my gambling addiction.
i have to admit i should have done this visit maybe 5 years ago, but my insurance doesn’t cover psychiatric and i really felt ashamed to speak out openly about all my issues and the fact that there in no approved drug to treat gambling addiction lead me to avoid such visit for the past 5 years.
anyhow, for the past 3 months my life really changed not to the better but to a something like hell, each 3 weeks i was changing the combination of medicines. visited 3 different doctors, until i finally decided to stop all the medicines, i have stopped taking all these drugs and i am just keeping Xanax as a magic pill in my pocket in case i felt i am about to have a panic attack.
while i was using the drugs i noticed a difference but the problem is one drug will make your mood much better and will treat your depression but will increase your anxiety, the other will keep you focus but will not make you sleep at night and the one that will make you sleep will screw your work because you will not be able to wakeup on time, I can see the positive side of these drugs on me and it could be the thing that i need to support my recovery from this addiction. but man I need a break from this trial and error i need to find a good psychiatric that will give me the correct combination from the first time.
i think should not ignore medical intervention, this will be an addition to all the steps that i am taking to recover from this addiction. but i need a break i can’t continue trying different combinations of drugs.