Hi,
Yeah, that might as well happen. Good thing that neither of them is going to give me money “for nothing” anymore, and I think that’s the right idea. I need to earn myself. Even if I won’t be able to find a decent job, I need to work at least somewhere to buy things that I need without begging for money each and every time. I live with my mother and two of my younger siblings. She won’t kick me out of the home, of course, but I’m starting to feel more and more unwell living here.
You know, my ultimate dream (and goal… kind of) is to leave this country and build my life from the zero somewhere else. Not that I’ve really lived a life yet, I haven’t even worked. I’m losing my time playing games every day. Because of the apathy, I can’t get myself to learn the subject of my profession. University courses, 90% of them, aren’t giving me any useful information that I would need to become a good specialist. For that reason, I need to self-study, but I have no motivation for that. That’s a vicious circle.
Backpack and glasses is not a big deal. I asked my mother if she could give me the money for new glasses as it’s an accessory that I cannot live without, sadly. She said yes. Three or four of my previous backpacks have been broken because I was carrying lot of weighty things there like my laptop and books, plus 2L bottles. I’d need a durable one, maybe not a “hiking” one but close to that.
My gambling addiction is probably just one piece of the whole puzzle of mental diseases that I have. I wouldn’t know for real. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything like that, never checked myself either. There was a time my parents, while they were still together, wanted to go with me to psychologist. But I strongly opposed that. I don’t believe there are any good ones here. My younger sister has been having regular sessions this year, her problems looked severe but now she’s pretty cheerful. Though I have close-to-no belief any of that will work on me.