#3172
vera
Participant

Thanks for posting to my thread, Cathy. Good to hear from you.
The “F and F ” forum seems to be going through a lull lately. A few people I “look out for” seem to have stopped posting.
Yes, walking away from gambling is a tough, arduous journey. Especially when I look back at the carnage I leave behind.
Strangely, I always say “there is only one thing worse than being a CG………….” .
In my opinion, being married to, or having to live with a CG must be far worse because you never know when, through no fault of your own, and without warning, your world will spiral out of control and you will be launched into a spinning hell on earth with no idea when the end is coming.
At least the CG sees the” writing on the wall” beforehand and knows when the end is at hand. I always do, for one. Gambling takes a bit of preparation and plotting. This was always done secretly, in my head , which meant my S.O. had no warning. Of course an observant “partner” might be tuned in enough to see a change in behaviour as being a lead up to another gambling episode, but having to live on those tender hooks would be the worst thing I could imagine. Knowing that intervention in times of danger would be futile brings a helplessness that I would personally find difficult to bear.
The journey that leads me away from gambling is not half as scary or draining as the return journey would be, should I ever choose to travel that route again.
Walking from darkness to light is always easier than walking (or running) from light to darkness.
I am well aware of the misery that awaits me should I ever take that walk again. For that reason I will use my “bag of tools” just for today.
I’m sorry to hear you feel like a “bitter , small minded, bullying mother” for trying to help your son. Does he resent your support?
All any of us can do is protect ourselves.
Nobody can take a step for a CG. Hopefully, your son will reach out for help when the time is right for him .