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#74760
G Rec
Participant

This is my first Journal entry in over 2 weeks and unfortunately, it is not a very positive one. Yesterday and this morning I made sports bets with money I had available to me. From a financial side, the hit is much lower than it has been before as for the past 3 months, as soon as my wages arrive, I transfer savings, rent, and main bills to my girlfriend , and I do not have direct access to those funds.

It still feels terrible though, and I feel like I have taken a step backward. One of the things that I am finding difficult is that I don’t really have anything to point to as to why I gambled on this occasion thus making it more difficult to come up with action items that can help prevent future relapses. Generally in the past, I have mostly been able to link my gambling with items such as financial need, trying to repay debt, being overly stressed and looking for a release, or boredom. None of those ring true on this occasion though.

That said, I have been more lapse recently with regard to working on my problem/issues with 2 weeks passing without a journal update, no recent attending of Groups on here or GA meetings, and much less frequent forum reading and replying. Those certainly didn’t help, so that at least is something I can go back to working harder on.

The second item that I found most difficult with this one is the hurt it caused and the loss of trust from my girlfriend. She has been extremely supportive through all of this, and the same was true when we spoke this morning about it. That said, it seems clear that the cumulative mistakes and lying are adding to the hurt caused to her and in turn the trust that she has in me.

My short-term plan at the moment is to call a GA helpline, work on some renewed to-do items including a schedule for upcoming groups on here, and GA meetings to attend, with the next few weeks being particularly important with the holiday period being an easy time to fall out of a schedule. I will also add another Journal entry here with an update tomorrow.