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Hi Kimber

Well done writing what must have been a difficult post.

A gambling problem builds gradually, often exacerbated by other problems and often disguised because of those other problems. I am not surprised that you were unaware of how serious your husband’s gambling was becoming, adhd and bipolar must be very distracting.

You are right that forgiving him doesn’t help but neither does chastising or threating him. Unless you know that you are really prepared to carry out a threat, then back-tracking when you know you either cannot, or no longer want to carry out the threat, will be a green light to his gambling. Idle threats suggest that there might be no consequences.

You are right when you say he should seek out his own support and in an ideal situation I would agree but maybe going with him to a first, or second, meeting would be give him the push he needs. My local GA did not encourage wives coming with their gambler husbands but it may not be true of them all.

I cannot tell you what to do, all decisions must be yours but in your shoes, I would ask him to download the GT app with me helping and/or find out when the meeting is and get him and yourself prepared to go together. Maybe you could go with him to the casino where he has self-banned and demand to know why they failed him. Divorce is final and it is important that you know what you really want.

Helping a gambling addict by holding his hand when he is trying to do the right thing, handling his finances, while protecting your own, is not treating him as a child. Your husband has said that he knows he has a problem – offering physical support may, therefore, be a way of you letting him know that you are with him in his battle.

Facing an addiction is lonely and scary, your husband is possibly using it as a prop to help him survive his other problems without realising that a gambling addiction is not his friend but is a destructive and corrosive enemy.

Please post again and let me know how you are. Ask any questions and don’t be afraid to say exactly what you feel – you are understood here.


  • This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by velvet.