Hello Step,
After reading your post I had to respond to this one. Like you, I’m an addict to gambling and I have no control over it.
I used chewing tobacco for many years and I’m nearly 6 years quit this August but I can totally relate to you about waking up, not being sure if you relapsed. I had several times during the first year of my dipping quit where I work up and thought I had caved. I was so pissed, it was surreal. However, after some time passed, I was grateful it was just a “dip” dream. Like anything, they won’t last. We only get better with our addiction with time.
Keep on keeping on!!
Be well.