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It has been 28 days since I decided to quit gambling.
After I’ve told my partner, I felt better but then the guilt start to hit me. I feels horrible and a worst person in the whole world. Why was I that stupid? I ruined my own life.
After blocked myself on all the gambling sites and came clean to my partner. I have both good days and bad days. The bad feeling comes in waves.
When it comes, I feel worthless. The guilt is so bad that I have anxiety and it gave me such a bad physical pain in my chest. It comes and goes. One day might be more than the others.
The feeling of wanting to play pop up in my head from time to time. When it does , Instead of remembering how good i felt when I had a big win into the day that I lost all of it.
It gives me so much pain and I think it is a good thing because I do want really want to play at all.

I’ve been talking with therapist. It helped to talk with someone who can explain me why i feel the way i feel. I just need to be remember to be kind to myself.
I contacted a clinic for my addiction treatment and got assessment by the doctor and she put me on the list of a 12 weeks treatment program. I can’t wait to start.
The doctor was very kind and I felt good after talking with her.

I think the most painful thoughts I kept having is the debt I created and how much I regret about it. I also contacted Budget and debt counselor.
We had a conversation roughly on how I am and what happened. She took my case and we will look at it together how to solve it but she is also being very realistic that
There is no quick fix for this but she will help me however she can to help me get through it. She is now on vacation and we will speak again in a couple of weeks.

Beside all of this, My partner and I went on a vacation. We hiked and be with the nature. It really helped with my mentality. I felt a little sad when we had to come back home.
I felt like now I am going back to a shitty reality. So a few days after we got home. I had a lot of bad days.

Today I feels better and I will keep working on get better.

PS. Thanks for kind words from above comments.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by hopelessbear.