Thank you Lizbeth4 for your kind word.
I started my first day of treatment yesterday. We’ve set goal for what I expect to be able to do after this treatment is done. My goal is to learn how to live with my addiction and have a control over it, To be able to have money in my own account and not thinking about gambling it away, To be able to fight my urges to play and have my life back again. Then I learned about how the brain works for the person who has addiction and why I feel what I feel when the urges to play comes to my head. Also learning about triggers and what usually happen when these urges come for me. I am currently trying to think back on what usually happen before I have strong urge to play and write them all down. So I can take control of it better.
Also talked with my therapist about how I feel. I am still feeling ashamed and sad about my addiction and consequences of it but I am dealing with it better and it hurts less. Though I started to have more urges to play. Maybe because I started to forget how bad I felt when I lost everything. So now It takes me a couple of minutes to try to remembering it and telling myself ‘No’ and not gamble again. I think what helps most is that every time I feels like I might give in. I look at my partner and I remembered why I am doing this in the first place. Reading my own journal also helps and other people stories. I know I am not alone on this and a lot more people are facing and suffering the same thing as I do.
So here is my progress as of today. Remember how far I’ve come. Don’t give in.