I can hardly believe its been a year since I wrote on my own post and what a year its been.

The boys are all doing really well, youngest has finally finished school, woo hoo !! no more meetings, text messages or e-mails, I thought this day would never come. He is starting a construction apprenticeship in September so I am hoping a lot of his energy gets used up, I cannot believe he is now six foot tall at the age of 16.

Middle one passed his college course with flying colours and is off to Derby University in September studying logistical supply chain management – It just seems so strange that I finally have one fleeing the nest although I dare say he will be back complete with dirty washing !

Oldest 22, still working and with his girlfriend of 4 years. Luckily the only drama’s I have these days are just normal day to day teenage boy things. With the exception of the struggle they still face with dealing with the impact of their dads alcoholism which is becoming progressively worse. I have to say my learning on this forum although primarily for my ex partners gambling addiction has been a real god send in helping them with the issues they face – it is interesting how well they are learning to deal with him – very proud of them.

On the small exchange of texts that I have had with my ex CG it appears that he now limits his gambling to a few bets on Saturdays !! and if you believe that you will believe almost anything – purely by the tone of the texts it is obvious that not much has changed there. I am not really interested and avoid contact as I would never underestimate the power of the addiction to manipulate given the opportunity to do so.

I feel great, still in my new relaitionship, not so new now as its a year down the line but all is well there. In general my social life seems to have exploded a little in the last 12 months. I cannot believe that in the early days I actually had to force myself to go out, see friends etc. and now I have to force myself to stay in from time to time.

I sleep well with no stress and no wondering about any potential bombshells which may be just around the corner and I have just finished paying off the last of my debt of which a fair amount was accrued through my enabling as well as my previous divorce – so a very good riddance to that.

My whole life has changed since the ending of my existence with my CG and so has that of my boys, anything and everything is better – I refer to it as an existence because that’s what it was (Hindsight and all that !!) a lonely and sometimes emotionally terrifying existence
I suppose my main point of learning recently or maybe awakening was that what ever went on between me and my ex partner was not love – now looking back it seems like a strange sickness with me being equally as sick as him but in different ways – not being able to let go of someone that was just so bad for me and the boys, I shudder when I remember., so mostly I choose not to.

Any way I will love you and leave you and as always the forum and all its wonderful members remain in my thoughts, as without you, I could not have done it. I still intend to post now and again and often read, it’s no longer painful for me and I’m just sad to see so many people still going through the wringer.

Jenny xxx