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Thank you Vera and the one for your replies to me.
Today i think i have found some sort of acknowledgement that i am truly sick when it comes to gambling. I think i am totally accepting its something i cannot ever do again. I have not one ounce of control when i start. I need to keep using support, here, i will attend gamblers anonymous meetings and i will do what ever other support i can find. I want this out of my life, i want a life. Its time.