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Hi buddy, its great hearing you vent and reading about what is happening at work. People can be so frustrating and annoying cant they! Good on you for being clean that is awesome. That dream you had about gambling everything and coming to the realisation of what you have done, has been me since a couple of weeks ago. Its hit me hard how much I have messed it all up. I am a 33 yo female still living at home with my parents. Like seriously how does one even redeem that?
I keep wishing I could wake up one day and be 28 again. Give myself more time to start things off again, but reality is I cant change that. We cant undo all the silly things we have done or our stupid choices.
But we can choose to make good choices and you are making that good choice everyday good on you. It can be done. I have slipped up so much in the last 7 years and I am currently on my highest cleaning streak! I am seeing a counsellor and I am beginning to have savings. Last week was my 9 months. If I can do it I know that you can.

Just wanted to encourage you and say thank you for your honesty its refreshing. I believe in you.